Hit Counter
Hit Counter Just do it.
Just do it.

I have 0 emotion right now. 0. emotion. 

focusing on what’s important right now. my goals, my family, and my friends. 

There’s a familiar feeling in the pit on my stomach. I forgot how it felt to feel this sad. 

What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy? It’s been a day and I’ve lost interest in everything. Maybe it’ll get better soon. 

I just need to fight the urge to touch my phone. I’m stronger than this. I just need to remember that. 

I’m actually going insane because of how much I just want what we had back. I can’t accept that it’s gone. What happened? 

My mind is craving the happiness you no longer provide. 

I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around the fact that it’s lost. Our happy story is blemished. It doesn’t exist. I can deal with things that are lost if I know why and how I lost it. 

But how could something that was such a huge part of my life just slip away without me realizing? 

I want what we had back so bad. But I can’t. And it sucks. Whenever I’m with you, I’m always annoyed/worried about something. 

Another content night discovering new music. It feels like summer and I love it. I miss air conditioning and cold showers and not being confined to laying in bed all day. 

Don’t get me wrong- I love cold weather too. Cuddling, oversized sweaters, hot chocolate. 

Young the Giant makes me too happy. 

I have too much to do, but I know what I want and I guess that’s why I’m content right now. Because I can slowly see myself approaching the direction I want to take things in my life, things are falling in place, a new pathway is being built before me. 

I’m excited and ready to see where I go from here. I just need to remember to keep my feet on the ground and do what’s smart. 

List of shows I watch for personal reference: 

  • Revenge
  • Twisted
  • Pretty Little Liars
  • Suits
  • Scandal
  • Once Upon a Time
  • Vampire Diaries
  • The Originals
  • Once Upon a Time in Wonderland
  • Teen Wolf
  • New Girl
  • Community
  • Modern Family
  • Big Bang Theory
  • Downton Abbey
  • Under the Dome
  • Awkward. 
  • Orange is the New Black 
  • Ravenswood

Shows I’m done with:

  • Gossip Girl
  • Gilmore Girls
  • The Lying Game
  • That 70s show
  • Breaking Bad
  • The Hills

Shows I want to watch:

  • House of Cards
  • The Walking Dead
  • The Following
  • Parks and Recreation
  • Outsourced
  • Workaholics
  • It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
  • Weeds

I can’t believe you just got mad at me for “always being mad”. Maybe I’m always mad because you give me reason to be mad. 

Maybe I wanted to spend the night before spring break with you? Is that so bad? So what if I got annoyed that night because you decided you wanted to spend that night playing video games with friends that you can see every day during spring break anyways? 

I expect some things from you that I can’t get and it fucking annoys me. At least I get over it as soon as it’s over and I don’t continuously give you shit for it.

MY BAD for caring about spending time with you so much. 

God damn. 

I can’t believe you expected me to apologize for always being mad instead of trying to figure out that you might be the reason for some of this anger. 

I’m tired of you calling me constantly angry. I’m the way I am because of you. Deal with it and get over it. 

How am I supposed to get used to NOT CARING about you and spending time with you as much? 

You don’t feel the same attachment towards me and it’s so hard to be less attached to you. It’s either being really attached or cutting off attachment completely, how am I supposed to achieve a “I still love you but I’m not going to be attached at all to you” relationship status? How am I supposed to be okay with saying we’re in a relationship but not spending time with each other, not really talking to each other.. I’m going to get closer to everyone in my life than with you. 

If you’re okay with that, then FINE. Just don’t fucking give me shit for that after. 

now you’re fucking texting me “hey”

the only time i get mad at you is when i expect for you to show me that you care more. okay if you chose everyone else over me once in a while then whatever, but if it’s every fucking time then it gets slightly annoying.

yesterday you said i was too talkative. no. more like i’m trying to start conversation with someone who responds “yeah” and “I get you” to every. single. fucking. thing. i. say. 

that just SHOWS how much you care. i’m talkative because I’m trying to have some conversation with you? i’ve talked to every single person in my life more than i’ve talked to you this break. why? because we get on gmail, say “hey” to each other and then we don’t say anything. 

i try to talk to you and start conversation and all of a sudden, i’m talkative. 

you know, usually, i’d jump to text you back. but not this time. fuck you. you want to be with your friends? go talk to your friends now. see if they wanna listen to your 12am rants and judgmental thoughts. go ahead. see if ANYONE gives a fuck about what you have to say 

Focus on my health, my happiness, my family, and my friends.

Not people who can’t even wake up a little early to see me. 

Like you said, we see each other every day anyways. You don’t really care about us not seeing each other, so why should I? 

I would do so much to just leave everything behind to go to some third world and help some kids in need. 

forgetting my problems by drowning myself in their problems. 

i need to let go of this blog. 

I’m trying to study but I can’t. Too many thoughts going through my mind, regrets, fantasies, what ifs. 

What if.